I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
