just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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