he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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