it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
