Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
