Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
