Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize