rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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