I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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