what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
