I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
