hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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