the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
