the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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