Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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