flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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