dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
