I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You are the jesus of drinking
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
