don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
