He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
