My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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