And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
