So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
