Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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