I accidentally had phone sex last night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
