so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
