we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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