My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
