Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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