I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize