Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
