Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
