she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think my moral compass just broke
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize