The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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