I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
