I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
