My friends, they love my intelligence
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
