I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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