I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
