Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
