youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
