A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
