We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
