I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
