I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
