"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
