Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
