Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
