what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize