im drinking this country out of the recession.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize