i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
