Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
