There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Quick, to the slutcave!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
