I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
