Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
