so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
