your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize