I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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