dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
