so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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