i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
