the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
