well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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